Numerous studies of tens of thousands of individuals in the USA (Kinsey Report) show that 37% of young men have had homosexual sexual experiences in adolescence and that 10% develop an almost exclusively gay sexuality. It is therefore almost “the norm” (1 in 3 men) to have once fantasized about other men. However, these desires are strongly condemned by most cultures and societies and it is not necessarily easy to accept them when so many homophobic remarks are to be heard in the schoolyard. These remarks, at this period of life, are often intended to denigrate a person so that the bully who utters them rises in the hierarchy of children. Also, many abuses against young gay men are also and above all attempts to progress in the hierarchy of children.
In Western Europe, approximately 8% of adults consider themselves strictly non-heterosexual. 2% consider themselves exclusively gay or lesbian, 4% define themselves as bisexual, 1% as pansexual and 1% as asexual. Approximately half (4%) will admit it in public and will have a same-sex emotional partner as an adult (Ipsos, 2021). Being afraid during your « first time » is the norm, even among heterosexuals. It’s therefore a matter of getting to know the person with whom you want to develop a sexuality in order to feel safe the day you try to have sex with them. You will find a lot of information on DrGay.
26% of men use escorts in their lives. It’s not the majority… but it’s quite common. So, the question may not be « Is this normal? »… But rather « If I take the plunge, what am I going to look for and why? » Some men resort to sex work because they feel lonely: indeed, enforced celibacy can be difficult to live with and meeting and talking to sex workers can be emotionally supportive. Be careful, however, not to fall in love with escorts: you could end up hurt by the very « professional » relationship that escorts have with sex. Other men like having a diverse sexuality with many different partners. They may find their happiness in meeting escorts. However, be careful: addiction to sex work remains common. Indeed, when sex is easily accessible, one can resort to it too often… without really taking into account one’s budget. The frequency with which men visit sex workers is specific to each individual. Some only go when they’re single, waiting to meet someone; while others go a few times a month. Whatever your reasons for meeting escorts, there’s nothing wrong with meeting a sex worker as long as you respect the way they wanna work and their rules.
Anal sex is often thought of as a dirty practice. Indeed, if performed without preparation, it is wiser to have anal intercourse after defecating: this is the moment when the rectal bulb will be naturally empty. Others perform an enema before anal sex with an enema bulb. This involves cleaning the rectal bulb by injecting warm water into it and then letting this warm water flow into the toilet. Anal sex also requires a great deal of relaxation: in fact, it involves relaxing the anal sphincter. This will only be possible in the absence of stress. For other people, it will even involve actively helping the anal sphincter to relax. This can be done either by inserting dildos of different sizes, going from the thinnest to the thickest. Another technique, certainly more accessible to everyone, is to insert a finger into the anus and caress the sphincter of the anal margin from the inside, applying pressure in a circular manner, as during a rectal examination. The sphincter will feel this massage and will open on its own, as if to allow a stool to pass.
The prostate is a chestnut-sized gland located in the pelvis of men (and trans women) and plays a supporting role in the male reproductive system. Its primary purpose is to secrete a protective alkaline solution for sperm in the acidic environment of the vagina. The fluid works by neutralizing the acidity of the vagina, increasing the overall lifespan of sperm and allowing them the most time possible to successfully fertilize an egg. The fluid also contains proteins, enzymes, organic acids (citric acid), ions (zinc), and sugars that nourish sperm. The relatively large volume of prostatic fluid added to seminal fluid and sperm allows for easier mechanical propulsion through the urethra during male orgasm. A prostate massage is a service in which an escort penetrates a client’s anus deeply enough (13 cm) to stimulate the nerve plexus surrounding the prostate. Prostate massage often involves penetration with fingers or dildos, followed by applying pressure to the prostate from the ventral wall of the rectum. This pressure, especially when repeated, can make a man climax, even without penile stimulation. This also explains why men can ejaculate when they are sodomized by a penis long and wide enough to stimulate the prostate each time the glans passes near it.
The puppy Play is a form of role-playing where a person, called a » pup » or » puppy , » adopts the behaviors and attitudes of a young dog. This can include actions such as crawling, barking, playing with dog toys, and even wearing accessories such as collars and leashes. The » pup » is often supervised by a « handler » or « trainer, » who guides and controls its actions. It is important to note that the puppy playing isn’t necessarily sexual in nature. For some participants, it’s more of an exploration of their emotional needs and expressing them through behavior rather than words, while for others, it may include erotic or sexual elements. This isn’t to be confused with « dog training, » a BDSM practice that involves setting up a dominance scenario between a master and their dog, often with sexual overtones.
Sodomy requires the dilation of the anus (a circular muscle) and the insertion of the erect penis through the anus into the rectum (the last part of the large intestine, which is a straight terminal sac intended to receive stool at the very end of digestion, just before defecation). The rectum is most of the time empty: it only fills when the conditions are required for defecation. To reduce pain during insertion of the glans through the anus, it is possible to induce natural dilation of the anus by inserting a finger and pressing on the anal verge from inside the rectum. This informs the nervous system that a stool should come out and the anus dilates. The anus has no problem dilating to the size of the average diameter (4 cm) of erect penises. Anal penetration injuries such as anal fissures are often caused by penetration without prior dilation (« all at once ») and/or without lubricant. The whole process (preparation and reception of the penis) is facilitated by the use of a lubricant that should be chosen without fatty substances, as these can cause latex condoms to break.
Hemorrhoids are vascular cushions located at the exit of the rectum, near the internal anal verge. These erectile tissues are very well supplied with blood and their role is to close the anus like a tampon would and thus ensure impermeability when the anus is closed. Many people feel that their hemorrhoids have become too large or bothersome without ever having practiced anal sex. There is currently no proven link between the symptom “having hemorrhoids” and anal sex. The rectum and its hemorrhoids are a densely vascular area made of a ball of absorbent blood vessels: thus any reception of biological fluids from another person involves many infectious risks. This is why, as a passive person, it is advisable to always protect yourself during sodomy, even under HIV PrEP. Many other diseases, both well-known and lesser-known, appear capable of colonizing the human host via the capillaries of the hemorrhoids and the blood vessels of the rectum.
Sexuality is, above all, the contact of one skin with another. This creates attachment and connection via oxytocin. When we are alone, the body’s attachment systems are designed to push us to connect with others: we are a social species. Evolution has therefore created the desire for contact and sexual desire to enable this closeness. Also, it is quite natural that the absence of physical contact leads to a feeling of emptiness and to the craving for physical contact and hence sex. Have you ever noticed that when you are single, you more frequently and more easily have the desire to have sex with strangers?
Sexuality ultimately turns out to have several functions in primates and humans: passing the time when we’re bored, creating social bonds, having pleasure, reproducing, but also sometimes reducing anxiety or even reducing physical or psychological pain… A bit like food, in fact! Sometimes we eat because we’re hungry, sometimes out of greed, and sometimes out of boredom or stress. All these reasons for wanting sex are possible. It can become worrisome when sexuality becomes the only automatic response to manage difficult times. In this case, it’s possible that a form of sexual addiction starts. You can assess your situation using this questionnaire. Do not hesitate to ask a sexologist for help.
Bisexual means that one is physically attracted to both cisgender men and women. People who are attracted to both men and women, both transgender and cisgender, will instead use the term pansexual. Bisexual does not necessarily mean that one wants to have sexuality with two different people simultaneously. Many bisexual people are monogamous and therefore ultimately only have one sexual partner. Ultimately, monogamous people whose eroticism revolves around the bond and the couple will, for the duration of their relationship, be homosexual or heterosexual depending on the sex of their partner.
The glans penis is equipped with heat sensors. Evolution has equipped it so that ejaculation is more likely when the penis is inside the vagina to maximize the chances of fertilization. Also, a mouth providing fellatio is a warm place and this contributes to the pleasure felt during a blowjob… as well as during penetration.
Fellation naturelle is a blowjob without protection: it involves sucking or licking the penis without a condom. Fellation royale involves receiving semen in the mouth without swallowing it. Fellation impériale involves swallowing the semen of the ejaculating person.
Be careful, this involves comparing your penis to that of others when it is erect.
Some sexologists speak of two types of penis: blood penis and flesh penis.
Frequent masturbation can be normal, especially during puberty. Masturbation is considered problematic when it exceeds 3 times a day or when masturbation is done in public restrooms or at work to reduce anxiety. This pattern qualifies as an ‘addiction’: it shows up as the frequent need to perform a reassuring and anxiolytic ritual, such as masturbation. If you relate and can no longer control your recourse to masturbation, self-assess here.
Pansexuality is defined as sexual, emotional, romantic, or spiritual attraction to other people regardless of their biological sex, gender expression, or sexual orientation. A pansexual person can be attracted to someone of any sex or anywhere on the gender expression spectrum. Therefore, a pansexual person can be attracted to both cis and trans men, cis and trans women, and non-binary people (bigender, agender, gender fluid, etc.).
For some people, submission and domination are highly erogenous. These individuals often thrive in the world of BDSM (Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism). One way a slave can enact total submission is by receiving and/or consuming the urine or feces of a domina or a master. To refer to these practices while evoking refined dishes, it is usual to speak of Caviar & Champagne to describe an erotic exchange during which the escort’s excrement (caviar) and urine (champagne) are emitted onto the client to his delight. We also speak of a « golden shower, » when the client is urinated on.
Men get an erection when they feel relaxed (activation of the parasympathetic autonomic nervous system, which relaxes the body by secreting acetylcholine) and when they feel or see a pleasant physical or visual stimulation (dopamine secretion in the brain). Any worry or concern can activate the autonomic nervous system’s vigilance systems (alert mode of the sympathetic autonomic nervous system: neurotransmitter = noradrenaline secretion) and prevent you from feeling secure and getting an erection. It is therefore a question of getting used to the physical proximity of the partner with whom you have erection difficulties so that his or her presence stops alarming you. By being togather and sharing tender moments, you allow the autonomic nervous system to learn that this proximity is not a danger, but a source of comfort and pleasure. If your partner is violent, judgmental or even disengaged because they are stressed, this will activate your own alert systems and lead to erection difficulties even if you spend time with them. If you are over 40 and are experiencing new erection difficulties during your regular sexual activity or masturbation, then it is essential to have a vascular assessment done by your doctor quickly. Look for diabetes, hypothyroidism, or even atherosclerosis. Atherosclerosis can gradually affect the penile artery and prevent erection. A blocked penile artery is often accompanied by blocked coronary arteries (heart): this corresponds to a significant risk of heart attack! There are also medications that help you get a better erection because they dilate the sphincters located around the base of the penile arteries allowing more blood to flow into the penis’ cavernous bodies: 5 phosphodiesterase inhibitors (Viagra being the best known). Certain plants also help you get a better erection, such as Ginseng or Mucuna pruriens .
The pudendal nerve—which is the nerve that senses the caresses of others on the inner thighs, perineal area, anus, and penis in men—passes around the prostate. Also, when the periphery of the prostate is stimulated through the ventral septum of the rectum with a finger or a dildo, this leads to enormous pleasure in men (men experiencing it for the first time are oftentimes overwhelmed by the intensity and lenght of this pleasure compared to the quick ejaculation pleasure. A prostate massage, when offered by escorts, is any professional manipulation of the prostate via the rectum for the purpose of pleasure. Simple penetration with any object large enough and more than 13 cm from the rectum will cause erogenous prostatic stimulation, even if you are a heterosexual man! Enjoying prostate massage absolutely does not mean that you have to define yourself as homosexual. Many cisgender female escort are happy to provide prostate massage to heterosexual men.
Swinging, polyamory, and BDSM are three very different and not necessarily related areas of eroticism and relationships.
Swinging is part of the “libertinage” family of practices; it involves having sexual relations with other partners, often in a notion of “exchanging” partners. It is a practice that is often experienced as a couple and can take place in a private setting with one or more other couples, or in specialized structures such as swingers clubs. To try this practice, start by discussing it with your partner. It is essential that both of you are really up to it before you give it a try (unfortunately, women often force themselves to please their partner). Discuss your desires and fears and set rules that you will respect no matter what (renegotiating limits on the spot will lead to confusion and distress). You can also agree on a word or a sign to say that you want to end the experience and leave. Take it step by step: it is entirely possible to only watch during a first visit and experience sexuality only with your partner while others are just staring: this by the way is often enjoyed by some people! Keep in mind that a swingers club is not an open bar for sexual partners : it is an environment where consent is of paramount importance so that everyone can have fun in complete safety.
Polyamory is a type of relationship that involves having romantic relationships with multiple partners simultaneously. Polyamory is practiced ethically, meaning all partners agree to non-exclusivity. Books and podcasts exist on the subject, but it’s up to you to build the romantic relationships that work for you and your partners.
BDSM is an acronym (Bondage, Domination, Submission/Sadism, Masochism) that encompasses a wide variety of practices, and it would be impossible for us to provide an exhaustive answer to the question of how to begin each of them! Let yourself fantasize about the subversive sexual practices you would like to try, and don’t hesitate to contact the sex workers in the BDSM category on Callmetoplay once you feel ready to give it a try. Professionals like some BDSM escorts will be precious allies to help you discover these new pleasures. Some books like “ Kink , manual of creative sexualities” are an interesting gateway to this universe.
Pornography is certainly not directly responsible for erection problems. Indeed, erectile dysfunction results either from anxiety before or during sexual intercourse, or from vascular dysfunction due to age. Anxiety is generally due to situations in which one feels in danger or trapped. It is rare to feel in danger in front of a screen, especially when it comes to pornography. Pornography, on the other hand, can amplify performance anxieties when one is with a woman. Indeed, penis size is often a complex for men. However, if one watches a lot of porn (in which men have a penis much larger than the average man, which is 13 cm, remember), one can quickly come to think that one’s penis is too small and that our sexual partner will be offended. Be careful, one can also have erection problems for vascular reasons after 45 years old. If this is the case, consider having a vascular assessment to look for atherosclerosis in the penile artery. Doing so could prevent a heart attack by detecting a coronary artery with a reduced diameter due to atherosclerosis before it becomes a problem.
It should be noted that pornography is designed to provoke intense arousal, and if we expose ourselves to this type of imagery repeatedly, it is possible that arousal becomes more difficult without a screen in front of a real partner. Don’t worry, it is possible to « re-muscle » our imagination and rediscover arousal during real sex.
The more relaxed you are, the more you can dilate the vessels responsible for erection. It is therefore above all a question of creating an understanding and complicity with your sexual partners. If you notice erection problems that gradually set in after the age of 40, you should think about having a cardiovascular check-up and look for diabetes, high blood pressure and atherosclerosis. Indeed, the penile artery has the same diameter as the coronary arteries of the heart. A problem with one of the arteries often precedes a problem with the other. Chronic tobacco and alcohol consumption can also affect erection. In the absence of anxiety, depression or vascular problems, medications such as « Phosphodiesterase type 5 inhibitors » work well: avanafil, sildenafil, tadalafil. In herbal medicine, Mucuna pruriens and Pausinystalia johimbe are also indicated.
The anus is an erogenous zone because it is innervated by the same nerves as the genital area. This is why stimulating the anus through rimming or penetration is arousing. However, it is not a biologically dedicated sexual area, and it is absolutely not problematic to not want to use it as part of your sexuality. If a partner or client suggests that it is not normal to not enjoy anal penetration, ask yourself the following question at the same time: Is this person trying to control me? Often, people who tell you what you should like are manipulative.
Biofeedback is a brain retraining process used in several therapeutic areas. In cases of premature ejaculation, biofeedback involves measuring electrical signals in the brain during masturbation or other forms of stimulation. Therapists will use these measurements to guide you through visualizations, exercises, or other techniques to help you relax and last longer during sex.
Edging is the non-medical version of biofeedback. With edging , you masturbate until you almost reach ejaculation (or the » edge « ), then stop all stimulating activity. The idea is to feel comfortable and know your sexual arousal so you can stop all stimulation just before involuntary ejaculation. Edging can also enhance the intensity of your orgasm once you ejaculate.
Pelvic floor exercises: Your pelvic floor muscles help support both your bladder and your ejaculation. Exercises that help strengthen this muscle group can help improve your ability to delay ejaculation. Kegel exercises can help people with penises as much as those with vulvas. But they require consistent engagement. They work by strengthening the pubococcygeus muscle. « To do Kegel exercises, tense the same muscle you would use to stop the flow of urine »; « Squeeze this muscle for 10 seconds, then release, aiming for at least three sets of 10 repetitions each day ».
Desensitizing creams, gels, and other products work to dull the sensations on your penis’ surface. These products can also affect your sexual partner, so be sure to wipe or clean the product off your penis before stimulation or before using a condom. Before using a desensitizer, it’s important to note that these products usually contain local anesthetics, which can be dangerous if used too frequently or in excess. Always follow the product’s instructions, or better yet, consult a doctor before use. It’s also possible to desensitize the glans by accustoming it to direct contact regularly: by massaging your glans for a few minutes a day (with a lubricant or soap in the shower, for example), you should see an improvement within a few weeks.
Adult circumcision, or the removal of the foreskin, may also be an option. A 2015 study (PMID: 25695078) showed promising results for circumcised individuals. They noted that many study participants experienced greater control over when they reached orgasm or a positive effect on premature ejaculation once circumcised. Consulting a physician experienced in circumcision can help you decide if this method is right for you.
Masturbation can help prevent premature ejaculation. If you masturbate shortly before sex with your partner, you may find that you can delay ejaculation during play with your partner. Stimulating the root of the penis until you are about to ejaculate, then backing off, helps increase the time it takes to ejaculate during penetrative sex. To perform root masturbation, place both thumbs near the base of your penis and rub them together in a circular or up-and-down motion. You should continue this motion until you are about to ejaculate, then back off.
Maintaining a moderate weight can improve your performance in bed.
People with metabolic syndrome, which is at least three of the following conditions, have an increased risk of premature ejaculation:
– high blood pressure
– low level of “good” cholesterol
– waist size of 40 inches or more
– high blood sugar levels
– high level of triglycerides in the blood.
Don’t put penetration at the center anymore: you may think that penile-vaginal or penile-anal sex is your ultimate goal when you first start getting intimate with your partner, but rushing toward the goal can be part of the problem. If you find yourself ejaculating prematurely during penetrative sex, focusing on other activities, such as oral sex or sensual touch, may help. You may also want to avoid penis-in-vagina sex altogether. According to a 2018 study, only 25% of women experience orgasm through penetration alone. The rest need direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, which means other sexual activities can help you and your partner feel more satisfied.
The squeeze technique can help you prevent ejaculation when simply stopping stimulation no longer works. To perform this technique, you must:
-stop manual stimulation or remove your penis from your partner,
-use your hand to apply firm pressure to the tip of your penis,
-resume sexual activity when the need to ejaculate has passed.
You can do this once or several times during sexual activity to help delay ejaculation. If you plan to do this during sex with your partner, tell them what you’re doing. You can also find other ways to stimulate them to keep them aroused.
Level of arousal before intercourse: As part of becoming more in tune with your body, you should consider your arousal level before intercourse. If you want to last longer during penetrative sex, don’t penetrate at an already high arousal level. Enter at a medium arousal level to give yourself some time. If you’re overly aroused when you first begin intercourse, your chances of premature ejaculation increase significantly.
Make the condom your ally: Condoms can help desensitize the penis by isolating the glans from the warmth of the vagina. If your usual brand doesn’t make a difference, you can try condoms or lidocaine/prilocaine desensitizing creams or thick condoms (for anal sex). Additionally, condoms remain one of the best ways to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancy.
Allopathy (medicines): In some cases, antidepressants known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can sometimes be used to treat premature ejaculation. However, they will also decrease your desire and arousal. Commonly used drugs are sertraline, paroxetine, and fluoxetine. They may only be taken before intercourse, such as dapoxetine. When premature ejaculation is preceded by erectile dysfunction, sildenafil and tadalafil may also be prescribed.
Change position: Don’t forget the simple solutions, try changing positions. This can be enjoyable, confidence-building, and educational. For example, you may find that having your partner on top can help reduce stimulation. You can experiment until you find a position that helps prolong your orgasm and gives your partner pleasure.
Some men have difficulty reaching orgasm. Treatment for anorgasmia in men can include several approaches, tailored to the specific cause of the disorder. Couples therapy can help improve communication and resolve relationship issues that may be contributing to anorgasmia. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can target negative thoughts or beliefs that may be interfering with sexual response. Sex education teaches masturbation or stimulation techniques that can help achieve orgasm by better understanding male anatomy and sexual response. This is where escorts can be therapeutic, given their extensive experience. Lifestyle changes such as reducing stress, improving sleep quality, and better managing anxiety or depression can also be very helpful. Some antidepressants can lower the orgasm threshold. Some erectile dysfunction medications, such as sildenafil (Viagra), can sometimes improve erection quality, making it easier for those with poor erections to achieve orgasm. For some, it’s important not to neglect a consultation with an endocrinologist to check for hormonal imbalances, such as low testosterone. A consultation with a urologist can ultimately rule out organic causes such as prostate problems.
Many men enjoy cross-dressing as women. While this can occasionally indicate gender issues, especially if the cross-dressing isn’t for sexual arousal, many heterosexual cisgender men enjoy cross-dressing as women. It allows them to change roles and imagine what women feel when they’re preparing to be desirable. And that’s what’s exciting for a heterosexual cisgender man: experiencing what female partners experience to better understand their arousal patterns and fantasy world.
Ballbusting means hitting, squeezing, and crushing men’s testicles during sexual activity. In many SM erotic stories, women serving as domina apply it as punishment for disobedience. In other stories, it is done to empower women to watch the man lie on the floor in great pain. Some men find this erotic (and arousing) because it puts them in a state of arousal, heightened by the position of total vulnerability. Adrenaline (the stress of not knowing when punishment will come) and dopamine (the reward felt when responding to another person’s needs) are two neurotransmitters that work very well together to achieve heightened arousal and orgasm in BDSM. Be careful, however, as the testicles are fragile organs. During blunt scrotal trauma, testicular rupture (rupture of the tunica albuginea) is observed in approximately 50 % of cases and will often require surgical exploration if testicular rupture is suspected. Following the unbridling of non-viable tissue, the tunica albuginea will need to be closed by primary suture.
Slapping or hitting the penis, as well as some rough sex, can lead to a penile fracture. Treatment for a penile fracture requires immediate medical attention. If you suspect you have fractured your penis, you should go to the emergency room immediately for evaluation. Diagnosis usually involves a physical exam during which a doctor may notice characteristic signs such as an “eggplant deformity” (due to swelling and bruising) or take a history of a “popping” sound reported by the patient. Imaging tests such as ultrasound, MRI, or retrograde urethrography may be used to confirm the diagnosis and check for urethral injury as well. The standard treatment is surgery performed under general anesthesia. The surgeon makes an incision to expose the tunica albuginea (the fibrous covering of the corpora cavernosa – the bodies that fill with blood and allow for an erection). He then repairs the tear in the tunica albuginea with sutures. He will check for and repair any damage to the urethra, if any. Recovery time varies but can take several weeks to several months. There may be long-term effects such as penile curvature, erectile dysfunction, and post-traumatic stress disorder.
